After some thoughts and natural struggles within herself, she summoned courage to reply his text.
“Dear Jarvis, I’m sorry for what i’m about to write. The truth is that I’m not seeing us together. I’m not sure we’re meant to be. The appointment with Mr. Glisson won’t be necessary anymore.” He had sent her a message to find out the time for their first appointment with the marriage counsellor.
“You are joking, aren’t you?”
“I’m not. I’m sorry.”
“Like seriously? You don’t want to marry me anymore? Do you think I’m lying about my conversion? I’m not. I’m changed for real. God helping me, I won’t bother you with my sexual urges anymore. Please don’t do this to us.”
She could almost read his sincerity in the text. She bowed her head not knowing what next to type. Her conscience scolded her “You shouldn’t be doing this.” Her head applauded her “Do this once and for all. You never loved him. You said yes out of pity.”
With her head still bowed she attempted to mutter some words of prayers “Lord…” Her mouth ceased. She was still scared – scared of God’s will. She opened her eyes, lifted up her head and got her fingers back on her phone’s screen.
“I’m sorry Jarvis. This is for the best.”
She looked up to the clock. It was a quarter to 1:00PM, the time for their first premarital counselling. She stood up, arranged her hair, packed her bag and hurried out.
“Miss Melissa, I want to believe you’re a practicing Christian?” Mr. Glisson asked.
“And you have prayed about this?”
“Well I do think you should pray about this seriously. It’s not about who you love or who you don’t love. Its about who you are convinced to marry. You said Ken is yet to propose? What if he never does?”
“He will sir.” She said assuredly with a faint smile above her lips.
“He should this evening. We have a special date.”
“I see. So you decided to cut off with Jarvis before he does?” She nodded in the affirmative.
“I respect your decision Miss. Melissa. But…” He paused, trying to find the right words. Then he continued. “I perceive you have trust issues. Many Christian marriages have failed because one or both spouse have trust issues.”
“Trust issues? How?”
“You see, if as a Christian you find it difficult to trust God, the one who knows you and knows all things. The one who gave his all for you. How would you trust your husband? Besides you can’t truly say you love someone when you don’t trust the person.
Haven’t you read the scriptures that says if you love me, you will keep my commandments? How do you keep a commandment that you are not even willing to hear? How can you truly say you are a Christian when you don’t trust the Christ you claim to believe in? How do you say you believe in him without trusting him?”
The words soaked in gradually like a piece of bread in water. She had never reasoned along this line. Her spirit broke into tears as she tried to comport her body. She loved Ken but in the process she was loving the Savior less. Maybe it wasn’t just about Ken.
Her mind had been so engrossed with marriage, she had forgotten about her Savior, the one who cleaned her up and brought her to lime light. How could she forget too soon the mercy she received at Calvary? How could she dare to exchange the Savior’s love with that of a mere mortal? The session ended and she made her way home.
With much heaviness she dropped her bag on the rug and knelt down, her head and her upper body laying on the chair. A drop of tear ran down her left cheek as she opened her mouth.
“Marriage was already taking your place Lord. I’m sorry, I thought I was wise carrying a burden that wasn’t mine. You are my Savior Lord and I give this up to you. My life, my marriage, my future. Please Lord take the wheel, drive me wherever, lead me wherever. I know you love me and I know you want the best for me.”
Her repentance opened the door for great peace within her soul. Its been a while she felt like that in the place of prayer. It was like a heavy burden was lifted. Her heart was rested and her body was light.
Then she decided to be specific in her prayers. She was ready to hear God now. Whatever he says would be the final. That’s because now she’s rest assured he would give her the best.
While she prayed about Jarvis, a verse of the scripture dropped on her mind. She didn’t know what was there but she was rest assured it must be God speaking. It was John chapter eleven verse forty four. Her eyes widened as she read the last line “…loose him and let him go.”
This was not the first time God was laying a scripture on her mind but this was the first time, it would be so direct. “Maybe its a coincidence” she told herself and continued her prayer. Another scripture wandered in her mind and she paused to check it. The last line shocked her again. “…let him go free.” It was Psalms chapter one hundred and five verse twenty. This happened two more times with two other scriptures meaning the same thing. Joy welled up in her soul, the joy of hearing God speak to you.
Then she moved on to pray about Ken. She was resolute this time. Her fear had disappeared and she was ready to take God at his word. First Samuel Chapter Sixteen verse seven was the verse that dropped on her mind this time.
“But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”
Her mouth opened gradually as she read the verse over and over again. Maybe she wasn’t ready for this after all. Her mind went blank for a second. When she gained consciousness, her brain began traveling. What would she tell her mum? That she hasn’t found the one yet? Once again, she had to choose between two people. This time, it was between her Savior and herself.Check out other Stories from the author here
Written by Fruitful E. John
© Fruitful writes 2019